April 24 addition
It was a wonderful meeting! Perhaps 40 people, in person and by Zoom. It was a wide-ranging conversation, from details of VSED (Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking) to caring for the variety of people who are low-functioning to after-death and before-birth.
I promised to provide a link to a YouTube.com channel featuring NDE (Near-Death Experiences.)
!! In order to re-find the link above, I searched YouTube for “nde experience documentary”. I was astonished by the number of hits that came up.

on April 23, 2023, at the Meetinghouse and online.

The Twin Cities Friends Meeting is a well established community, with strong habits of how we talk to each other. Of course, dying and death are discussed among Friends who have long-standing relationships with each other, as occasions arise in their lives. However, in my experience, people are reluctant to approach these topics in informal groups where at least one person is known, but not well known, to the others. In my introductory article to this session, in the TCFM newsletter, I start with an episode in this community where we were surprised to discover differences among us which were disturbing to some of us.
I am 79. My plans for my own good dying are likely to become reality in the next several years. I wish to alert my beloved community to my own choices, and to encourage us to find ways to talk about dying more easily.

I have several handouts I will offer to people who attend in person. They will receive them as they come into the room and settle into seats. Of course, those attending via Zoom will not have access to them, so I have put links to them on my website.

Here are my instructions to those who attend the discussion in person and to you visitors here:

• The seven handouts display a large variety of points of view on the topics of dying and death.
• There is no need to read any of these carefully, unless you are drawn to them.
• In some cases I have highlighted words that capture the main point, or point of view. There is no need to read more; you have encountered the variety I wish to display.
• If you would like a copy, feel free to take/make one.

Unhappy Endings, all eight pages (Pacemaker keeps Dad Alive!)

Each of the 6 items below is one page long.

2 Poems: Death is Nothing At All &
                Shifting the Sun

Image: The Kiss of Death (Thank you!)     &
Essay: The Choice of Life   –Rhoda Gilman in Friends Journal

2 brief Interviews: Tips from Dead, to viewers on TikTok  (Humor)    &
                               How to Die (Inspiration?)

Dear Friends,
First a little context. I subscribe to a discussion group hosted by Quaker Earthcare Witness, which I would recommend. To join you would go to this page:
https://www.quakerearthcare.org/article/get-involved
And you would click on the boldfaced text “

• Join the QEW Discussions email list

But this list is not for the faint of heart. There are often several posts a day. And the range of topics is wide and un-curated.

Today I responded to an ongoing discussion about population, saying things I’ve thought for years but have never put to text before.
I liked what I said, so I am reprinting it below.

Friends,

I’m really glad to see this discussion.

My sense is that all of the differing points of view are correct.

And that we still haven’t seen this from enough sides.

 

Here’s another point of view, one I don’t like, but I can’t get it out of my head.

Maybe the size of the human population on this planet is above our pay grade to make choices about.

 

We Friends know about “acceptance,” “humility.”

 

I AM expecting an inevitable big die-off at some point in the years ahead –have been for a long time. So I have banged my head about “what can I/we do?”

As I said above, I think all of the points of view raised here are important and valid under some circumstances.

As I have lived into all of these points of view myself, and seen them fall short of a full answer…

As I have remembered that life-on-earth is self-correcting, even while species come and go…

And, therefore, have seen us humans as small actors in a much larger drama…

I have developed a change in attitude which I want to share.

 

I offer it as a part of the puzzle, not as THE answer.

• Yes, education,
• yes consumption reduction,
• yes redistribution of resources.

But, maybe,
like the death of a parent I just experienced,
maybe we really are not in control.
Maybe essentially not in control.
Maybe world population is not ours to manage.

 

Not that we do not do EVERYTHING Friends have been advocating for,

but that we do them with an attitude of

“we are doing what we can to make the situation less painful, but the essential process is not ours to control. We sit in awe and humility in the face of something vast. Far larger than humans.”

 

In my mind, at least, this is not an attitude of “giving up.”

But it moves some of my energy out of the “we’ve got to solve this” part of my brain. And that energy has gone into deep breathing, to minding my Center.

 

My parent suffered in the dying process. I suffered, facing her suffering.

 

Likewise, the human status quo on earth is dying. We need to care for all of us, as best we can.

But it is better, I believe, if we can hold some of our energy back from “we’ve got to solve this,” remembering that life will go on.
Some of our children will survive to old age, and some of our grandchildren.

It is not ours to choose which ones.

Or how many of the world’s children live long lives.

Not that we shouldn’t make intelligent, centered efforts, but we should make them with humility.

And when our friends come to us all afire with the grief and the pain which are surely and profoundly there…

we can avoid being sucked into the wave of “we have not done enough.”
Because we know “enough” cannot be done.

 

I believe that many in Qewdiscussions share this point of view with me.

But we do not voice it because it seems callous, seems to give permission to “giving up.” To turning our backs.

 

I am trying here, for the first time, among Friends, to give voice…

not to a “position,” but to an attitude.

 

I am trying to look beyond the pain and suffering of the next decades, as the parent of young children probably cannot.

I am trying to envision the world our grandchildren will inhabit, with an eye to steering the current generation in the best possible direction…

steering us toward the best, centered, attitude
for pointing our current lives toward the good we can envision on the far side of our grief.

 

In humility,

Richard Fuller

Friends,

I hope this is a turning point for me.

In any case it’s two steps in the right direction.

1.
This is one of those background things I would really like to talk about but have no particular timeline for doing it.

It’s an article titled “The Demoralized Mind.” John F Schumaker says very well part of what I have been thinking for years: “Industrial Civilization is in a spiritual crisis.”

It is not a short read & I understand not everyone will find time to read it. So I include here a few brief quotes. (Emphasis is mine.)

…[D]emoralization is a type of existential disorder associated with the breakdown of a person’s ‘cognitive map’. It is an overarching psycho-spiritual crisis in which victims feel generally disoriented and unable to locate meaning, purpose or sources of need fulfilment. The world loses its credibility, and former beliefs and convictions dissolve into doubt, uncertainty and loss of direction. Frustration, anger and bitterness are usual accompaniments, as well as an underlying sense of being part of a lost cause or losing battle. The label ‘existential depression’ is not appropriate since, unlike most forms of depression, demoralization is a realistic response to the circumstances impinging on the person’s life.

… We are living under conditions of ‘cultural insanity’, a term referring to a pathological mismatch between the inculturation strategies of a culture and the intrapsychic needs of its followers. Being normal is no longer a healthy ambition. 

[People who recognize this]… are moving away from naïve behavioural models and returning to the obvious fact that the human being has a fundamental nature, as well as a distinct set of human needs, that must be addressed by a cultural blueprint.

My Friends, we all know this. Each of us has learned on our journey to our present spiritual state  that our understanding of ‘right  living in the world’ is significantly different from almost all of what we see around us in the larger society.

… Since nothing lives up to the hype, the world of the consumer is actually an ongoing exercise in disappointment. While most disappointments are minor and easy to dissociate, they accumulate into an emotional background of frustration as deeper human needs get neglected. Continued starvation of these needs fuels disillusion about one’s whole approach to life. Over time, people’s core assumptions can become unstable.

… We are long overdue a cultural revolution that would force a radical revamp of the political process, economics, work, family and environmental policy. It is true that a society of demoralized people is unlikely to revolt even though it sits on a massive powder keg of pent-up frustration. But credibility counteracts demoralization, and this frustration can be released with immense energy when a credible cause, or credible leadership, is added to the equation.

I, Richard, would say  “…this frustration can be released with immense energy… even when the cause is hardly credible,” and I fear many in our consumer culture will do this.

Still, I must do what I can. And I will do it with you, friends who are predisposed to hear my message.

2.
A credible vision is out there, and it is getting closer and closer so that it is easier for more and more people to see. 

My word for it has been “Gaia.” The 20-minute film OVERVIEW (from the folks who made the film PLANETARY) talks about that biospheric unity in a way that is pitched to a science & technology audience.

I hope this is a turning point for me.

I hope that over the next half-year I can prepare to share my sense of urgency in new, more engaging ways.
And my passion for this vision that I believe can unite us all.

Please, my friends, I hope you will help me be more of the person I want to be.

Love,
Richard

A huge thing has been floating near and nearer to the surface of my awareness.

For years I’ve thought the thing I glimpsed was floating up, floating in, to my awareness. One month I’d see a contour here, the next, a series of parallels there, and I thought “something is moving toward me.” Now I suspect the surface on which I float has been going down, approaching a bottom of bedrock awareness.

It’s still not clear, but I have faith that if I attempt to describe it, that will help.

An early crystallization was discovering Thich Nhat Hanh’s Living Buddha, Living Christ. Parallels! Much more recently, in the last few years, I’ve been preoccupied with our Global Transition, and I’ve been looking for the proper orientation I think we should have toward it.

What has come clear to me, what I want to urge upon my friends, is that we need to move toward the changes unselfishly. I am responding to many conversations I have had, with many people, most of them unspoken. I see in their eyes: “Will this hurt? What will happen to my child?” I see it in their body language, bracing against coming impact. I see it in their choices. I can recognize these things in others because I carry them in myself.

Mostly I try to be forgiving, toward myself and others: “These are perfectly normal self-protective actions, quite appropriate to the situation.” And I feel bad. So I ask myself, “Well, if cringing in the face of expected pain leaves you feeling miserable, what attitude, what stance, would you feel better about.” Clarity on this point has come relatively easily.

A couple of years ago I realized that “resilience” would one part of whatever the future holds, and it was clear to me that I wanted me and my friends to be stretching for that, to be working to make it more likely in our immediate society at least.

But what about “me and mine?!!!” That was where I got my clarity. “You must be prepared to lose your life, to lose what you love, if you are to be at your best in the coming times. This thing is so big there is not much point in storing up particular private treasurers. MUCH will be lost. Look to what you can do to support those who happen to be lucky. Hopefully the children of our community. Somebody’s children, for sure.

Whew!          OK…

And it was in that frame of mind that I saw the contours of that huge thing once again floating in my awareness.

I encounter it again today, reading Douglas Gwyn’s Conversation with Christ.

… to lose one’s life is to gain it; to love one’s life is to lose it. In John, Jesus states that “those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” To hate one’s life in this world is to disown one’s life as the world defines it, renounce the socially constructed self, and allow God to define and destine one’s life.
—page 78

I did not hear these words at home, growing up, but I have been hearing them since I began my own spiritual investigations. I have moved from youthful puzzlement to an intuitive recognition, but I have never be able to own them publically, never been able to say “Jesus said.”

And those of you who look back at my journey chronicled here will know I have done my best to approach the “Christian message.” Still, I find it toxic. Not toxic in my intuitive recognition but toxic in my relationships with my non-Christian friends and toxic to my sense of self when I nod my head “yes” within the Christian Brotherhood and feel the smiles of recognition, feel the enclosing arm put around my shoulder. When I “act Christian,” even with a smile or a nod, I feel many “brethren” happily including me and drawing a line separating me from the “infidels.” I am simply unable to accept that position. I have tried and I cannot do it.

And yet, this floating awareness, this sense of relief when out of my own depths, my own best self, I hear, “You must be prepared to lose your life, to lose what you love, if you are to be at your best in the coming times.” I know this experientially, as we Quakers like to say. And I want to say it to others. As I gather Friends around me, urging us to prepare for the coming changes, it is simple logic and ultimate reality for me to observe “we must serve the good of the all; there is no use in trying to preserve our lives, the ones that we know.”

How to reconcile this?

I believe there is a natural and proper selfishness. Babies, parents, properly reach to acquire. And they defend. The individual is worth encouraging and preserving. I believe this is a metaphysical truth that reaches far beyond the human condition to include all life –animal, plant and other.

And I believe there are things more valuable than individual integrity. For the good of the whole we may accept privation. Most beings accept these limitations with no awareness at all. They live in the shade of a larger tree. They wait ’til the bigger piglet is full before they get a teat. But with primates, we see a basic sense of justice and compassion. They are doing stuff that Jesus talks about without ever having heard the Word. My metaphysical truth is: not putting yourself above the rest is built in. It’s not learned from our stories. And if your background leads you to say “built in” = “from God,” I’m perfectly happy with that.

In fact, what this post is about is trying to approach Christian stories and wisdom to see what I as a non-Christian can learn. I am glad to hear (certain) Christians talk about God, talk about the child of God and God’s children. I believe that I personally will always feel it necessary to speak as an “outsider” when I share their teachings, but I think Christian stories are one way to learn about fundamental human realities and I want share their wisdom.

It’s been over a year…
since my last post here.
I’ve been busy with other things. http://fourriversfriends.org/transition-system-wide

We are even closer to financial meltdown, but that’s a given; we’ll cope as best we can, when it comes…

Thanks to Ilze for pointing me to Stephen Harrod Buhner, the new hero in my title.

Here’s a video, Activism, Deep Ecology & the Gaian Era – Lynn Margulis, Stephen Buhner and John Seed.

This is one of the best things on Gaia I’ve seen in a long time.
I particularly like,

• Stephen, acting remarkably like my dear friend Howard, saying “It’s feeling –more than thinking– we need to strengthen, if we are to properly engage with Gaia.“
• And again, “…knowing Gaia. Surrender is not defeat.“
• And Lynn, “Gaia is not an organism. Organisms don’t live on their own feces and urine; it’s a SYSTEM,” requiring that poisons for one part be food for another.
• And again, “People are not yet classified as animals in western civilization, that’s how bad it is.“
• And at minutes 28-33, John saying, “We need to preach to the choir. For life to grow back in sustainable form we need to strengthen the strongest of what we want to preserve. If that can be encouraged eventually the dead zones may be recovered.”
• Stephen again, “We have the capacity to feel invisible things,” the aliveness of life with an example which was, for me, a clear experience of “yes” and “no.”
• Lynn: our delusion of invincibility, and the inevitability of a population reduction.

Lynn recommends a book by Reg Morrison, The Spirit in the Gene: Humanity’s Proud Illusion and the Laws of Nature, wherein he argues humans are challenged to somehow innovate sustainable shrinkage. I’ve ordered a copy.